The Nurtured Heart Approach: How it can help parents and professional caretakers

How familiar is this routine?

A child misbehaves. As the responsible adult - parent, teacher, caregiver - you’re obviously unhappy. You punish the child. Or you offer a reward. You go over the rules yet again, explaining your expectations at length.

But does this seemingly endless pattern result in  better behavior? Often not, particularly in children who feel intense emotions.

That’s where the Nurtured Heart Approach comes in - a method I learned from an all-day training I participated in, while working as a social worker at a residential treatment center in Patterson, N.J.

In traditional discipline, we too often get stuck in cycles of power struggles, lectures, punishments and bribes. These conventional methods are not a good fit for intense children and often inadvertently make the situation worse. Adults get animated and emotive when a child’s behavior is undesirable, but rarely register a response for positive behavior.  It teaches children that they can get their needs met through negativity.

The Nurtured Heart Approach flips conventional methods on their head, focusing instead on where and how we as adults use our emotional energy when addressing challenging behaviors. Children read and respond to energy. The three Stands of NHA (Absolutely No, Absolutely Yes, and Absolutely Clear) provide us with a roadmap for tuning into our kids and using our energetic connection to hone their greatness.

As adults, we are the directors and producers of our lives, we choose where we put our energy and what moments get our attention. NHA allows parents to connect with their children on a deeper level, using our strengths to grow the behaviors we want to see. We move beyond “catching goodness” to “creating greatness” and a less stressful life for your family.