Managing Parental Anxieties Around Scary World News
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As I write this entry, our country is experiencing what feels like an obscene amount of loss. And I don’t mean loss as in death exclusively, although there’s been quite a lot of that. I also mean the loss of what feels like the fabric of our country and our freedoms. Loss that makes me wonder what my children will inherit one day. The sort of loss that feels so big, I can only imagine how many parents must feel totally adrift, with no words to offer our kids. It all feels very, “what now?” If you’re a parent or caretaker, hopefully this entry can bring a bit of balance your way.
When tragedy strikes and we’re faced with having to talk to our kids about death, loss, trauma - our hearts break. We wonder, “How do we explain the unfairness? How can we assure them of their safety when that sort of certainty doesn’t exist?”
This can elicit BIG feelings, and not just for the little people. For everyone.
When trying to explain these heavyhearted situations to our children, we can feel like we’ve hit a thick fog, unaware of how to “say it right”. We want to speak in absolutes, we want to make promises, but we can't.
Managing our own emotions during these times is just as important as coming up with the "right" words. Perhaps even more important, because you cannot manage your child’s anxiety until you’ve managed your own.
Our children will respond and connect more to our emotional state than they will our words. If our words are reassuring, but our body language reads anxious, then “anxious” is the message they will receive.
If we tell them one thing, but then they overhear our adult conversations (because our kids hear everything), or maybe they’re just in earshot of our nightly news, then our children may absorb those unintended messages instead of our pacifying words.
While we can't shield our kids from everything, we can help them to overcome the fear or confusion they’ll feel during these times, by managing our own fear. When we feel capable of responding mindfully in the midst of heavy emotions, we’re modeling behavior for our kids so that they can see what it looks like to overcome big feelings. We can show them that those big, angry and frustrating feelings can be met with reflection and patience. Comfort can be found in our family, community and in positive action, despite how intense and mixed up we may feel on the inside in the moment.
So as a parent, how do you help yourself so you can best help your kids?
1. Not being ok is ok. Acknowledge your feelings and don't stuff them away. By bringing more acceptance to your own feelings and processing them openly and honestly, you allow your children to feel free and safe to do the same.
2. Talk to someone. Whether it’s your partner, a therapist, or a good friend, you need to get those feelings out in the open. Name them to tame them. While our kids should witness us being open and honest about our feelings, it’s not their job to be our therapist or parent.
3. Acknowledge your feelings with your children (in age-appropriate ways). Remember, how this looks in real time may vary depending on your child’s age and what is developmentally appropriate for them to hear, see, or comprehend. Tell them that Mommy has worries too or Daddy feels sad, etc. Normalize feelings in your household and remind your kids that they are allowed to express their feelings, then consistently make time and space for them to share how they feel.
4. Identify the tools that help you. Make an effort to regulate your own emotions by taking care of yourself and meeting your needs in the wake of troubling times. When you find tools that help you to make the big, heavy feelings weigh less, you can manage them with more ease. For some this may be a quiet 30 minutes of physical activity, a meditation session each morning, or maybe just a night out with friends who make you laugh. Whatever it is, identify it and don’t be afraid to seek it out.
5. Plan for joy. It can feel like a tall order in the midst of sad or dark times, but love and connectedness help ground us. It is so important to remember that you are allowed to feel grateful to be alive, excited about the future, and happy in your daily life. Your kids need to see this modeled for them so they know it’s okay to keep moving forward and keep feeling joy. Try to do at least one small something every day that brings you joy, connection, or peace.
While none of us can predict when tragedy will strike, when great loss will occur, or how the emotional waves that follow will impact our families, we can do our best to prepare for how to handle heartbreaking times as a united front. None of us will “get it right” all the time, and it’s extremely important to take that “perfection” pressure off your shoulders.
We are all trying to find the best way through the unimaginable when faced with traumatic world news. At the end of the day, only you know the best way to approach these age-appropriate discussions. You know what your child is and isn’t exposed to on the daily, what they might be ready to talk about and what can be saved for another day. You have to trust your gut.
There are many great resources available to help parents in planning for these conversations, and guidelines for different age groups too. And as long as you lead with patience, understanding, openness, and love, your family will find their own way through.
Here are a few resources to help you navigate these conversations with your kids. I’m sharing some links that are relevant to the latest world news, and some that are more evergreen -
Managing Stress and Anxiety after the Overturn of Roe v. Wade
Managing Your Stress After a Mass Shooting and How to Limit Media Intake
Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers
Going Back to School After a Tragedy: Support and Routine are Essential for Children
Still looking for additional support? Parenting classes and parenting workshops are also a great outlet. Workshops offer parents the opportunity to receive hands-on insight, as well connect with other like minded parents who are struggling with similar worries. And in the face of recent events in our country, finding ways to feel unified can be beneficial. If you have a group of parents in mind or need help finding a supportive unit, click below to learn more.